Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
