Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
