theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
