this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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