i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
