38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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