Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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