i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
