Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
