I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
