He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
