I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
