I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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