Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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