it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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