Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
