also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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