I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
