And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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