i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize