Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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