Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
