Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
