So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
