I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
