How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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