I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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