My first STD was from a foam party
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
