There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
