you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
