sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
