Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
