worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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