Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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