You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
