I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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