just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
