you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
