If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize