IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
