Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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