I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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