my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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