Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
