He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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