i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
