i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human