So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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