You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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