He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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