He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
