i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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