Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
