We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
