no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
