I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
