i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
