For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
