So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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