when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
