OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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