Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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